2nd Quarter, 2017
Edited by Julian Wolf
Naughty in N’awlins
Poly Dallas Millennium
Saying Goodbye to Chuck Renslow
The Red Chair, NCSF Coalition Partner
Kink Knowledgeable Program
Incident Reporting & Response
Celebrating 20 Years of Successful Advocacy with NCSF!
September is Consent Month
Guest Blog by Nicole Guappone
Representing on FetLife
Naughty in N’awlins names Grand Marshals for Sexual Freedom Parade 2017
Taking place at 6pm, on July 5, 2017 down Bourbon St. in New Orleans, the Sexual Freedom Parade brings awareness to the current fight for sexual freedom issues: from discrimination and custody issues to archaic laws outlawing sex toys and non-monogamy. The Sexual Freedom Parade is sponsored by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), which is committed to creating a political, legal and social environment in the U.S. that advances equal rights for consenting adults.
This year’s Sexual Freedom Parade will be the largest in the U.S. with more than 1,000 participants, a Brass Band, floats and dance troupes. The route starts on Iberville behind the Astor Crowne Plaza Hotel, and goes 4 blocks on Bourbon St. before returning to the hotel for a Sexual Freedom Party.
Everyone is encouraged to wear all white!
Bob Hannaford, organizer of the annual Naughty in N’awlins convention, is pleased to announce the following list of Grand Marshals that will ride on different floats in the Sexual Freedom Parade. “It is an honor to have such a diverse and inspiring list of leaders in the sex positive community come together to support this historic parade,” said Hannaford.
Sexual Freedom Parade Marshals
Keira Harris: Volunteer Director, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. “In an ideal world, I would not be afraid to show affection to both of my partners in public, and my husband’s girlfriend would be able to get the same insurance benefits that I get,” says Harris.
John & Jackie Melfi: Bloggers from OpenLove101.com, authors of The Swinging Lifestyle: Questions You Are Afraid to Ask, and owners of Colette, the largest chain of swinger’s clubs in the US.
Dr. Zhana Vrangalova: A NYC-based sex researcher, writer, and educator with a PhD in Developmental Psychology from Cornell University.
Kenneth Play: An international sex hacking expert/educator, former top fitness professional, and private celebrity fitness and sex-ed coach.
Holli & Michael: Starred on Playboy’s hit show “Swing,” with a daily radio show on Playboy Radio, and they own a club in Las Vegas called Sensual.
Naughty in N’awlins is the largest alternative lifestyle convention for couples in the world. With over 1,000 couples, this event is a full takeover of one of the French Quarter’s biggest hotels. There are workshops, seminars, private Bourbon St Parties, industry entertainment and nightly erotic theme balls.
Board Members Keira and Kevin manning the table for the NCSF at a wonderful weekend in Dallas TX. Lots of good classes and contacts were made. Poly Dallas Millennium
On June 29, 2017, the BDSM/Leather/Fetish and LGBTQ communities lost one of its most iconic leaders and activists. Renslow was one of the earliest activists who courageously fought discrimination his entire adult life. He founded the Leather Archives and Museum in 1991, now the largest LGBTQ and Leather/BDSM museum in the world. In 1979, he founded the International Mr. Leather competition, the largest Leather competition in the U.S.
Renslow was openly gay and openly identified as a Leatherman since the 1950s, a dangerous time for activists for these communities. He was heavily involved with the Democratic Party and the early LGBTQ movement. His other accomplishments include founding of the Gold Coast Bar (one of the first Leather bars in the world), the magazines Triumph, Mars, and Rawhide, the Men’s Country Baths and Chicago’s August White Party. He was a founding member of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and served on their board. He also served on other boards of activist non-profits, including the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.
One of his most important and lesser known accomplishments was to successfully fight legal charges of obscenity for images of nude men found at Kris Studio. At the time, most publishers didn’t fight obscenity charges, however Renslow fought back and eventually won. This important case was one of the earliest decisions that paved the way for others to more boldly use erotic images and nudity in magazines. This decision still benefits sexual freedom activists, those who practice BDSM or other forms of alternative sexuality and erotic artists. It was one of the earliest legal decisions related to obscenity and pornography, which helped advance the rights of adult businesses and artists to use erotic images.
We will all miss this sexual freedom hero. His courage is an inspiration to all of us.
NCSF has heard a lot of stories over the past 20 years. Now we want to let others hear what you have to say.
Have you been discriminated against because you are kinky or non-monogamous? We want to hear from you.
We also want to hear your story if you’ve been outed or if you’ve outed yourself as a fetishist, cross-dresser, Leatherman/woman, or because you’re in a polyamorous or Lifestyle relationship.
We also want to hear if you’ve been involved in a consent incident in a BDSM or non-monogamous encounter.
Please fill out a short survey for each story you’d like to tell us about:
Tell us your story and we will share it anonymously on www.ncsfreedom.org!
This year’s Birmingham Pride parade was the biggest in history for our fair little city. Thousands attended and we handed out all the literature and glow sticks well before the end of the parade (We’re going to have to pace ourselves). Our theme this year was Consent Is Not A Myth. And in true support fashion, when the classic car two floats stalled, all the fairies, wizards, and dragons hurried to help get the car off the road. Four years going strong and 19 in attendance. Thanks for all you do, you make us proud and honored to walk under the NCSF banner!
The Red Chair, NCSF Coalition Partner
NCSF is proud to announce its affiliation with KinkKnowledgeable.com, the first comprehensive online academy for kink curious professional counselors, social workers and psychologists.
The Kink Knowledgeable Program came out of the publication of Becoming a Kink Aware Therapist. Recognizing a vacuum in the therapeutic training community for clinical professionals working with atypical sexualities the co-authors, Caroline Shahbaz and Peter Chirinos, developed the Kink Knowledgeable Program to address this gap and misinformation.
The Kink Knowledgeable program provides a comprehensive integrated combination of online education, coaching and clinical supervision to meet the demands of psychotherapists and other professionals who are looking for informative sex positive training about BDSM.
From kink aware to kink knowledgeable, this program teaches beginning, intermediate and advanced competencies so behavioral health professionals can confidently function as subject matter expert witnesses and treatment providers to sexual minorities. It teaches best clinical practices by subject matter experts using a state of the art eLearning platform to provide exceptional ongoing continuing education for psychotherapists in the USA and internationally.
Kink Knowledgeable is offering a substantial discount to the first 25 members of NCSF. Contact us now for more information by sending an e mail to Info@KinkKnowledgeable.com
NCSF’s Incident Reporting & Response received 46 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in April, May and June. This is more than twice as many as NCSF received during the 2nd quarter of 2016. The 1st quarter of 2017 we had 38 requests.
NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However, we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.
Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 2nd Quarter of 2017:
There were 26 requests for resources and information involving criminal law – a sharp increase from 17 requests in the 1st quarter. 21 of those requests came from people who reported an assault, sexual assault or harassment involving BDSM or non-monogamy. 4 people requested resources and referrals to assist in defending themselves or the person they accused of assault, sexual assault or harassment.
11 groups asked for assistance. 4 involved groups who needed help with members who were involved in consent incidents or were harassing the group. 3 involved hotels breaking contracts for events (1 kink and 2 non-monogamy). 2 involved conservative attacks against a group. 1 involved a zoning issue. 1 group requested NCSF to sign onto their letter of protest against Netflix.
There were 5 requests for resources and information regarding child custody: 2 involving gender identity; 2 involving BDSM; 1 involving non-monogamy.
The 4 requests for assistance in civil cases. 2 involved a defamation lawsuit. 1 involved a security clearance. 1 involved a member dealing with a group ban.
Join us! Please ask your group or event to hold a Birthday Party for NCSF to help support our programs and projects that are challenging discrimination against consenting adults.
These are a just a few of NCSF’s accomplishments to celebrate:
Provided Incident Response assistance to thousands of people regarding child custody, job discrimination, criminal prosecutions, consent violations, venue licensing and enforcement issues
Gave over 1,000 media interviews to change media representations of BDSM and other non-traditional sex practices, and trained over 100 people and groups on how to talk to the media
Developed educational programs and resources for law enforcement, attorneys, therapists, medical personnel, anti-domestic violence advocates, universities, authors and our communities
Worked with the American Psychiatric Association to help change the DSM-5 criteria so that consensual BDSM is no longer categorized as a mental illness
Developed the Consent Counts Campaign to decriminalize consensual BDSM and is working with the American Law Institute on the Model Penal Code on Sexual Assault.
Filed Amicus Briefs in important legal cases so that consent is a defense
Maintained a Kink Aware Professional’s resource database
Please help support NCSF! Contact email@example.com for help in producing and promoting your event.
A Birthday Party Reception was held for NCSF at TES Fest on Friday July 7th and raised $553 with the “I fucked with Nauttiboy” fundraiser. NCSF Advocate Sarah Smiles produced the birthday party and fundraiser, and with every $50 that was pledged, Sarah raised the level of the prank on Nauttiboy. Everyone celebrated NCSF’s 20th Anniversary with a rainbow birthday cake in the lounge and said a big “Thank You!” to NCSF.
Consent Month is September! Please schedule a workshop on
consent, a party with a consent theme, or a fundraiser for NCSF
raise awareness about Consent Month. Participate by scheduling a workshop on consent, a consent-themed party, and/or a fundraiser for the NCSF to raise awareness and celebrate consent!
We can send you Got Consent! bracelets for your event along with materials on consent, including our awesome new fliers.
Let us know the date and we’ll put it on our calendar on ConsentMonth.com
Take photos and enter our Consent Photo Contest! Here’s our winner from 2015, get creative, we’ll feature all our finalists.
National Consent Month is proudly brought to you by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the Arizona Power Exchange.
Thank you for supporting Consent Month!
I first started seeing my therapist nearly three years ago. I wanted someone LGBTQIA+ friendly, sex-positive, and poly-aware. Kink was not a big part of my life yet. Still, the intake coordinator matched me with someone based on my requests and I’ve been with her ever since. A few months after I started seeing her, a friend invited me to an open house at a local dungeon. The next time I saw my therapist, I told her I went, and she listened just like she always does, until there was a pause in the conversation. “OK,” she said, “it’s time for The Conversation.” (That’s how it sounded, like The Conversation was capitalized.)
In the interest of honesty and disclosure, my therapist revealed that she is a member of that dungeon and that this is one of the challenges of working with kinky clients and also wanting to remain in the local scene herself. Some therapists choose to stop playing in public, others will travel out of state to go to events. But some don’t want to give up the community they’ve already fostered in their area, and that’s understandable.
So what’s it like having a therapist who is kink-identified? I, personally, really like it. It can be hard enough being kinky and dealing with all of the complex emotions that play can bring up, so it feels good having a therapist who “gets” it. As someone who likes to push her own boundaries and play with emotional edges, having a therapist like this is especially helpful. Is having a therapist like this also tricky sometimes? Absolutely. If you’re looking for a therapist and want one who is kink-identified or end up with one who is, here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. Maintain Boundaries
One of the magical parts of therapy is that you get to spend an hour talking about yourself. Therapists interject, they help you process, they do their job. But the sharing is one-sided-that’s part of the deal.
This professional therapist/client relationship can feel a little tainted if you suddenly know this personal thing about them-they’re kinky!-and it kinda feels like when you were a kid and you ran into a teacher at the grocery store. Teachers look so strange outside of the classroom…
And now that you know one personal thing about your therapist, you might want to know more. Dominant or submissive? Relationship status? Biggest fetish? Guess what? It’s none of your business! Sure, at some point probably everyone who’s had a therapist has wondered about their therapist’s life. Every once in awhile you might even feel like you’re obligated to know more because you reveal to them your deepest, darkest secrets and vulnerabilities. It’s only fair, right?
If you like your therapist and have been working with them a long time, it’s totally natural to be curious about what they’re like outside of the office. But trust them-their lack of sharing is for your own good. In training, therapists learn how to keep their personal biases from affecting their work with clients. You and I (most likely) haven’t had those lessons. So even if you know your therapist is kinky, understand that you know because it’s relevant to your professional relationship. It is not an invitation for more questions or prodding into their personal lives.
2. Negotiate and Plan Ahead
It’s a word we in the kink world all know. Negotiation! It’s important to hot, healthy scenes and/or non-monogamous relationships. But you just found out you might run into your therapist at the dungeon. Now what? Chances are, they are used to having these conversations, so they will probably tell you how they prefer to handle it. Maybe they like checking in before they go to events to make sure you don’t run into each other. Maybe they’d rather not check in and just bail if you happen to walk in while they’re there. But…what if one of you is already engaged in a scene? Have you broken the “rules”?
There are no simple answers and there are always ethical guidelines. Some things are personal preference. Others, well…probably you don’t want to let the accidentally-seeing-your-therapist-in-a-scene-thing happen. Therapists have their own thoughts about all of this and they talk about it amongst themselves frequently-not even just kinky therapists, but any who may worry about seeing clients outside of the office.
But I’ll tell you how my therapist and I handle it: It’s an ongoing process. If I know I’m going to an event this weekend, I’ll usually bring it up in session or at the end of the session. This in no way obligates her to tell me her plans, but now she knows mine. If she makes plans another weekend, sometimes she checks in with me before we end our session. We don’t even have to do this too often, usually only if specific events are coming up that the other is likely to go to.
Despite the nature of your relationship with your therapist, it can still feel awkward talking about this stuff with them, especially when you’re being extremely cautious of those boundaries I mentioned earlier. But remember, it’s a sacrifice your therapist has chosen to make if they wish to stay active in the local community and it’s something you need to be OK with if you like seeing a therapist who can better understand this part of you.
Some therapists and clients get specific, i.e. clients go to the club or events held on Friday nights and their therapist takes Saturdays. Or, one person takes odd-numbered dates, the other, even. That might work for some, not for others. Just find out what works best for you.
3. Process Together
This is something else that may be a personal choice. Typically, if my therapist and I run into each other at a non-play event or a conference, the next time we see each other in the office, we’ll start with that. The first time we ever ran into each other, both of us freaked out a bit and we processed together in our next session. She asked how I felt when I saw her there. I asked her how she felt when she saw me. We figured out how to best navigate those situations. I prefer-and she appreciates this-giving her at least a smile and nod of acknowledgement when I see her.
Even still, no matter how many times we have this conversation, it’s always a little awkward. Processing doesn’t have to be long and drawn out; just take a few minutes at the start of a session if you like. I know that my therapist values this processing and it seems like it’s something we both need. Even if the conversation is awkward, I’m comfortable enough trying to navigate it with her. Ideally, you should be able to talk to your therapist about anything!
Being kinky and having a kinky therapist can be a blessing and a curse. Maybe a kink-aware therapist is all you need or want, especially if you don’t really plan to talk about your kink in session. But if you like to push yourself and your boundaries with your play, to learn about yourself and your partner(s) through play, it is amazing to work through these things with someone who understands kink on a deeper level. It’s just one more type of negotiation you learn how to do, and in the end, it’s all worth it.
NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner New England Leather Alliance (NELA) for donating $3,148 that was raised at their annual Fetish Fair Flea Market in February.
NCSF thanks Fetish Friday Indianapolis for donating $2,000 in February to the NCSF Foundation!
Thank you to Inn-Thrall for becoming a Coalition Partner and donating $1,200 in May. Inn-Thrall held a Spanketition, a raffle and a silent auction with goods from local artisans and InnThrall. Sales of “Fun Tickets” were good for auction/raffle items as well as the Kissing Booth where Attendees could custom order their kisses for such an excellent cause. All of the proceeds including ticket sales went to NCSF after expenses.
Thank you to Pittsburgh Bridge for donating $1,000 to NCSF in June!
NCSF thanks the organizers and participants for the Birthday Party to celebrate our 20th Anniversary that was held at Dark Odyssey on May 17th that raised $805.
Thank you to Chicago Dungeon Rentals for donating $500 in June, and for becoming a Supporting Member of NCSF!
NCSF thanks FetLife for donating $300 to NCSF and for encouraging FetLife members to donate and join NCSF.
Thank you to Stefanos and Shay for donating $275 to NCSF in March from their Twisted Windows event in San Francisco featuring innovative BDSM and bondage performance art.
Thank you to James Dunyak for donating $100 to NCSF!
Thank you to Coalition Partner PolyColumbus for donating $50 to NCSF in May.
NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.
Here’s a sample of three of our recent featured stories:
Nude Orleans! from Daily Mail
Why are cops catfishing sex workers in Canada? from Vice
Jeffrey Payne Announces Run for Texas Governor from Dallas Voice
NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.
You can sign up to receive our emails here or check our blog at our website here.
Find the NCSF on the world’s most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!
and members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!
Interested in a specific story or in writing an article?
email Julian: firstname.lastname@example.org